


Love makes fools of us all

by Berenawillhappen



Category: Holby City
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-08-24 10:44:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8369251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Berenawillhappen/pseuds/Berenawillhappen
Summary: This story begins with the last bit of «into the abyss», when Serena tells Raf she loves Bernie, and what I hope will happen next.. It’s purely a coping mechanism for the Bernie/Berena-withdrawal I’m experiencing. Fingers crossed she’ll be back for next week’s episode!





	1. Into the Abyss

**Author's Note:**

> This story begins with the last bit of «into the abyss», when Serena tells Raf she loves Bernie, and what I hope will happen next.. It’s purely a coping mechanism for the Bernie/Berena-withdrawal I’m experiencing. Fingers crossed she’ll be back for next week’s episode!

Serena grunted a bit to herself as Raf was pouring the last drops of Shiraz into her glass. _Was the bottle really empty already? I guess it’s one of those nights_ she thought to herself.."I’ve been like… like some kind of hormonal adolescent... I’m so sorry” she said with a hint of remorse in her voice, playfully nudging him with her shoulder. “ Ah, well, first step in getting over it, is owning up to it” Raf so easily responded.

Serena looked over at the Scotsman sitting next to her. Annoyingly as it was, she had to admit he had a point. She was so angry with Bernie for leaving her like that, not sending as much as a text letting her know the flight went well. The last time she saw her was in this exact office. She was getting ready for dinner with Bernie when she slowly walked through the door, closing it behind her, with her head down. Telling her she had accepted the bloody secondment..

Serena looked over at Raf again. While taking a deep breath she said “Raf.. I.. Love her”. She had never been so certain of anything in her life, and her voice mirrored it. They chuckled over Serena’s statement. “Well, then what’s the problem?” he said, smiling at her. “The problem is she turns my life upside down, then buggers of to Kiev! Leaving me a.. what I’m I… a washed up.. midlife.. lesbian. IF that’s actually a thing.” She answered quickly. Suddenly it dawned on her “ Oh, God.. What if it is just some midlife experimentation, and I’m just kidding myself..?” her voice was now more worried.

“Well, there’s a sure way to find out” Raf said, giving her a wink. She looked him in the eyes, contemplating this whole thing. Does he have a point? And if he does, this would be a very easy way of finding out which side of the street she’s driving on. She smiled back, and they both leant in. She was making ready to kiss him, but stopped right before their lips meet. A few seconds passed by, before they both burst out laughing. “That settles it, you’re definitely a lesbian” Raf said, still laughing. “HAH!” Serena cried out. Still laughing, she took a sip of her wine, thinking that she already really knew what the outcome would be. At least it gave her some comfort knowing that she was right.

“Bernie better get her crap together soon, I really miss her Raf..” Serena was holding her wineglass in one hand, while rubbing her forehead with her other. There was a long pause. Serena thought about how she’d react when Bernie comes home. IF Bernie comes home, she corrected her thoughts… What if she doesn’t? Oh God, what if she has forgotten all about Serena and their mind-blowing kiss and undeniable sexual chemistry? Perhaps she’d already found a new and younger surgeon, hot and laidback, and goes by the name of Anastasia or Irina or some other stupid eastern European name..

Almost as he knew what she was thinking, Raf opened his mouth. “She will come back you know, and my guess is that she regrets ever leaving”.

She smiled at the thought of that. Oh, how wonderful things could be! Bernie and Jason was already getting along quite well, and Serena has a big house. It would be no problem finding Bernie some personal space in it, if she would ever need it. And her bed is too big to only house one person anyways..

“Why don’t you fly out to Kiev, to see her? She’ll be happy to see you, I’m sure of it!”.

Serena gave him a confused look. “Fly to Ukraine? Have you gone completely mad? I could never do that Raf.. I haven’t heard from her in two weeks now. If she wanted to have any sort of contact with me, I would’ve heard something by now, don’t you think?” Serena was shocked by the thought of it. “I wouldn’t even know what to do or what to say to her” she managed to mumble..

“You’ll know that when you see her. But Serena.. I really mean it, you should go see her. Get some answers. Or… at least get some closure. I hate seeing you like this” Raf looked at his friend with love and pity. Serena gulped down the rest of her wine. _Rafs gone completely bonkers_ she thought to herself.


	2. Bernie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a chapter from Bernie's perspective

Bernie did everything in her power to kill the yawn she felt pressing on. She took in a deep, silent breath, quickly shook her head a bit and straightened up in her chair, before looking back down at the paper in front of her. Well, paper may be the understatement of the year. It felt more like a four volume exemplar of bureaucracy at its worst. She’s a highly trained military trauma surgeon for crying out loud. She didn’t have time for this nonsense. After all, the reason she was here to begin with was so that she could help set up the new trauma unit. She was of course expecting she’d have to do paperwork of some sorts and attend a few meetings, but this was just beyond her imagination. The last blood she’d had on her hands was Serena’s, so to speak, when she walked away from her at AAU back home. And that was two weeks and five days ago. Not that she was counting or anything. “That’s it for today everyone. Unless anyone have any questions?”. _Please no! I think I’m going kill someone if I can’t leave this bloody meeting within the next few seconds…_ “No? Okay, see you back here on Monday”. Egor closed his folder, and with that, ending the meeting. It had been going on for she doesn’t even knew for how long, and all she wanted was to go home, draw herself a warm bath, and reward herself with a nice glass of red. She had after all gotten through another workday, and another meeting. She wasn’t a woman of faith exactly, but she was almost praying for some sort of miracle. She just needed something to happen, so that the ever-growing knot in her stomach would be forgotten about, even if it was just for a second. But she knew that to be an impossible task. Nothing could make her forget how much she missed Serena, and how much she regretted leaving her behind like that.

She pulled her coat closer around her, as she walked through the hospital entrance and into the dark and cold night. Her apartment was only a few blocks from her temporary place of work. The wind was blowing at her face, making her cheeks sting just a tiny bit. _The fall is certainly upon us_ , she thought.

Finally, she reached the main entrance of her building, the doorman buzzed her in and gave her a smile. A bit odd, he never really did that. He’s kind of a strange man, he never really speaks, just gives her a nod and looks back at his screen. _Oh well, good at least someone is having a great day.._

She got on the lift, and pushed the button for the top floor. It was only a seven story building, so the ride didn’t take very long. The metal doors opened, she stepped out and turned right. She grabbed her phone from her right coat pocket, and read the text Cam just sent. It was just to ask her if she knew where his favourite soccer shirt was, he wanted to hang it on one of the walls of his new place. It was signed from some soccer player Bernie didn’t really know who was. To be entirely honest, she did never pay too much attention to all the players Cam was always rambling about. “In the garage, in a box labelled SOCCERSTUFF”. She reached down in her purse, trying to fish out her keys with her left hand, while still holding her phone in her right hand. Not a simple task it turned out, and she had to give in to defeat, put her phone back in her pocket, before searching once again for her keys, with both hands this time. Got it. She looked up, and she apparently instantly lost the ability to hold anything. Her keys dropped out of her hand, landing on the floor with a crash. _It can’t be, can it?_


	3. Maybe this was not a good idea after all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a shorter chapter, but fear not, the next one will be much longer

Serena could hear footsteps approaching. She looked up from her phone, and the young man gave her a smiling nod as he walked past her. The lift binged again, letting the entire floor know that it was here again. She looked back at her phone, reading a text from Raf. She was just about to hit the reply button, when she heard the sudden sound of keys crashing to the floor. Her head whip up, only to find a couple of gorgeous, brown eyes staring at her. _Oh God._ She thought she had it all planned out, she thought she knew what to say to her when she saw her again. She was going to give her a piece of her mind, oh yes, she had it all written down. She was after all Nurembergy Campbell. But she couldn’t seem to move, let alone make her lips make a comprehensive sentence. Neither of them said anything for a good thirty seconds, before Serena tried to break the silence at last. “Er..”. _Oh great, good job Serena! Nice one, you really gave her the third degree there.._ “I..I..erh..hmm..” Taking a deep breath, she got up from the suitcase she was sitting on. Puffing her cheeks out, as that would magically make her brain work again.

Bernie suddenly broke eye contact, reached down for her keys, then walked up to her apartment door, opening it with shaky hands. Thinking about it in hindsight, it’s really a wonder she managed to actually put the key in the right slot, and then opening the door. But she did. She walked in, and shut it behind her. She leant back against the door, still clutching the door handle. _What the hell was she doing here?_

Serena finds herself utterly speechless. Bernie had literary shut the door in her face! She hadn’t said anything, just walked past her, and into the apartment, shutting the door behind her. She just stood there for a few seconds. She knew it was risky, just flying to Kiev without having heard anything from Bernie for a few weeks, and she had prepared herself for a lot of different reactions. But not a word, and then a lavender blue door in her face was not one she had expected.


	4. Chapter 4

After a few seconds of just standing there, not being able to fully understand what had happened, she had to sit back down. Serena pulled out her phone and sent a text.

  _This is not going to work, I tried Raf.. She came home, and without a word, she just walked passed me and shut the door in my face. What do I do now?_

She wasn’t sure if she should knock on the door or maybe slip a note under there? Maybe she could wait for Bernie to come out again? Or perhaps find a hotel? She didn’t think she would need one, but seems like that would be a hasty decision.

It didn’t take long before her phone buzzed. _Huh, just sit tight for a bit. I’ll get back to you in a minute._

Serena put her phone back into her pocket.  It had been a long day, and she felt it was slowly catching up with her. She had gone to the airport straight after work, and then from the airport to Bernie’s. It hadn’t been too difficult getting her address. She had gone up to Hanssen’s office right after her conversation with Raf, and told him, rather than asked him, for time off. That enough was enough, and that she was going to Kiev to clear the air with Bernie. If he was surpires by this information, he hid it very well. He had even given her Bernie’s address without too much threatening.

So here she was, outside her apartment, tired, hungry and bewildered. Not exactly the best version of how this day could’ve ended. A buzzing-sound from inside the apartment broke her train of thoughts. It sounded like Bernie was talking on her phone. _Probably calling the cops.. “There’s a crazy lady at my doorstep and she won’t leave..” Great Serena, you’ve made an already tricky situation a thousand times worse. Oh, why would you let him talk you into this?_

On the other hand, perhaps she was only being called back into work again, or talking to Cameron. Perhaps a gorgeous, young woman was calling her to ask her on a date. _Don’t go there Campbell!_ She couldn’t hear what was said on the other side of the door, Bernie must have moved. She figured it was for the best to try and not overthink it, there was nothing she could do about it either way.

 

It was beginning to get chilly sitting out there. She pulled her fluffy hat over her ears and pulled her coat closer to her. It wasn’t all too bad sitting on the suitcase, it was one of those soft-shelled ones. It was laid down next to the wall, and sitting on it and leaning back against the wall made for a rather comfortable position. She was very glad for it, especially since there was a good chance she would be sitting on it the whole night. She had decided to wait Bernie out. She would have to leave the apartment at some point, and when she did, Serena would make her listen.

 ----

(Meanwhile in Bernie’s apartment)

_No, no, no.. What did I just do?_

Bernie was leaning against the door she had just shut in Serena’s face.

 

The light buzzing from her phone pulled her out of her own head. She used a few seconds to franticly pat the various pockets of her jacket and pants before she found it. Her brows hit her hairline. _Raf?_

Another couple of rings went by. Her thumb hovered over the “accept”-button. Why would he be ringing? They hadn’t had any contact since that faithful day.

“Hello?”

“Bernie?”. It was nice to hear the familiar voice again, she hadn’t realised how much she had actually missed him.

“Yes..?”

“Uhm, this is a bit awkward”

Bernie moved away from the door, and walked over to the kitchen, perching on the counter, her left arm hugging across her ribs. “…. Let me guess, something to do with Serena?”

“Well.. Yes.. I presume you know she’s in Kiev, and sitting outside of your apartment I believe?”

“Mhm”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“I mean, why is she on the wrong side of the door?”

There was an uncomfortable silence between them. Bernie didn’t know how to answer that question. She didn’t know the answer herself, so how could she even begin to explain it to one of Serena’s best friends. And even worse, how was she going to explain it to Serena?

“Bernie, are you there?”

“Mhm”

“Look, I don’t know exactly what went on between you two. But whatever it was or still is, I know you care deeply for each other. It’s still Serena out there, your best friend, and I also think she’s the woman you love. Talk to her.”

“I don’t know what to say to her. We didn’t exactly part on the best of terms. Do you know why she is here?” she said, eyeing the door.

“That’s not really up to me to say, but she’s there to talk, I can tell you that much. She’s hurt and angry, but she’s flown all the way to a foreign country to talk to you. That should tell you something.”

“Like what, that she’s crossed half a continent to yell?”

“Don’t be daft Bernie, you know why.”. He waited for a reply, but when he didn’t get any he continued. “Look, I’ve got to go, there’s an RTC coming my way. Just.. Talk to her, you owe her that much.” Raf hung up, and with that came the deafening silence. “ _Just talk to her”, well that’s easier said than done._

 

But of course, she had to go talk to her. She had missed her more than anything. In fact, it was the only thing she thought of when she wasn’t busy at the hospital. She found her mind returning to a certain brunette even when she was busy at the hospital too. She’d let her mind wander when she was in meetings, when she was on coffee and smoke breaks, or when working on her paperwork. She had even started to buy Shiraz, even though she was more of a Whiskey-gal. It seemed like everything she did reminded her of Serena. If she saw a brown-eyed woman she would smile and think of her, if she saw a colourful blouse in the corner of her eye, her stomach would flutter in hope that it could actually be Serena this time. And now it was. Who was she kidding, she had fallen head over heels in love with her, and if she wasn’t utterly mistaken Serena had looked at her with love earlier too. She had to go to her, she only hoped that she would still be out there.

\---

Serena felt something on her right shoulder. It was light, but warm. What could it be? She drifted back into the darkness for a few seconds. She felt the pressure on her shoulder increase. The next thing she was aware of was the same warm feeling on her left cheek, but this time it was moving in soothing movements. She tried to will herself awake, but the movements were so calming and comfortable. Then a pair of slightly wet lips met her forehead in a lingering kiss. She let herself get lost in the beautiful feeling. When the touch broke, Serena’s eyes opened wide in panic. A panic that instantly faded when she stared straight into Bernie’s gentle, brown eyes. Serena’s lips quirked slightly, and barely noticeable, much like the time in their office, when Bernie had decided they’d keep it confined to theatre.

Neither of them said anything. Bernie’s hand that was stroking Serena’s cheek earlier, moved down to hold her hand. They were having one of their eye-conversations, at least that hadn’t changed over the past few weeks. Bernie squeezed her hand reassuringly, and got up from her kneeling position between Serena’s legs. She silently pulled her up, and into an embrace. Bernie’s arms coming up to wrap around the brunette’s shoulders, and Serena’s wrapping around the blonde’s waist. They held each other tightly. They both let out a content sigh at this feeling, just enjoying to be close to each other again. Bernie nuzzled her nose in the crook of Serena’s neck, and felt her smile and lean in. Bernie was the first to break the embrace. She took a hold of Serena’s hand again, and with her free hand she grabbed her suitcase from the floor. “I think we need to talk” Bernie whispered, looking back at Serena, who nodded. Bernie lead them inside the apartment, and shut the door, this time with Serena on the right side of it.


End file.
